Archive for the 'Humor' Category

The American Dream, George Carlin Style

George Carlin inspired three generations of comedians. His political commentary, was particularly sharp.

“Forget the politicians. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice . . . you don’t. You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own, and control the corporations. They’ve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. They got you by the balls. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying . . . lobbying, to get what they want . . . Well, we know what they want. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but I’ll tell you what they don’t want . . . they don’t want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. They don’t want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. They’re not interested in that . . . that doesn’t help them. That’s against their interests. That’s right. They don’t want people who are smart enough to sit around a kitchen table and think about how badly they’re getting fucked by a system that threw them overboard 30 fuckin’ years ago. They don’t want that. You know what they want? They want obedient workers . . . Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it, and now they’re coming for your Social Security money. They want your fuckin’ retirement money. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street, and you know something? They’ll get it . . . they’ll get it all from you sooner or later cause they own this fuckin’ place. It’s a big club and you ain’t in it. You and I are not in The big club. By the way, it’s the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. The table has tilted folks. The game is rigged and nobody seems to notice. Nobody seems to care. Good honest hard-working people . . . white collar, blue collar it doesn’t matter what color shirt you have on. Good honest hard-working people continue, these are people of modest means . . . continue to elect these rich cocksuckers who don’t give a fuck about you. They don’t give a fuck about you . . . they don’t give a fuck about you. They don’t care about you at all . . . at all . . . at all, and nobody seems to notice. Nobody seems to care. That’s what the owners count on. The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that’s being jammed up their assholes everyday, because the owners of this country know the truth. It’s called the American Dream cause you have to be asleep to believe it . . .”

R.I.P. George, we will miss your always truthful words. I leave you all with George Carlin with Keith Olbermann on Countdown last October…

Crashing

Skier CrashAs my wife pointed out, I am 40 43 years old, and I still ski, a lot. Saturday, while skiing like a 16 year old, I took a spill. Not just a quick fall, but a nasty one. I went from 30 miles an hour to 0 in no seconds flat after catching my ski on a tree root buried under the snow. Being under the chair lift didn’t help, as I was serenaded by catcalls from above.

As I scampered to put my skis back on and limit my immediate embarrassment, I couldn’t help but chuckle, thinking that I owed the mountain something for all that joy I had recently cashed in on. For I had just completed several circuits of the same secret stash – all the while screaming like a kid, and smiling like a fool.

I woke up Sunday morning, feeling as if I had been hit by a car. My ribs are achy, my head hurts, and my knee is gimpy. All around, I wish I was dead. Now it’s Tuesday, and while my knee is better, my ribs hurt even more. I feel crummy.

Ski Crash RocksSo today, while I gobble Ibuprofen (thank you modern chemistry for that miracle), karma has reminded me that joy must sometimes come with sacrifice. There is a yin to every yang and everyone must pay. I remember the unadulterated joy of flying through the snow Saturday as vividly as I remember stopping so quickly on my head.

The crash, while painful, is the natural result of taking chances, having some fun, and throwing caution to the wind – every once in a while. I intend to temper my childish skiing activities in the future. I am getting old you know. I will have to be a bit more selective in my adventures.

I think I’ll sneak up that hill over the summer though, and dig out that stupid tree root… so the next guy will hopefully get all the smiles without the cracked ribs to show for them.

That’s gotta be worth a few karma points.

GOP politics in a nutshell

Glenn Greenwald over at Salon writes: “The House Republicans have produced a new dramatic ad complaining about expiration of The Protect America Act and demanding immediate passage of the Cheney/Rockefeller Senate bill — thus vesting in the government the power to spy on us with no warrants and vesting in the telecom industry license to break the law with no consequences — as the only way for us to avoid imminent, violent death. The ad – entitled “America at Risk” – should immediately be mounted on a museum wall under a plaque that reads: “The Republican Party in the U.S., 2001-2008 (and counting).”

The video is not only awful, but a direct knockoff of an ad for the 24 series television show.  It’s as close to propaganda that I have ever seen here in the United States, almost comical in its fervor.  Let me know what you think.

Is that Ron Jeremy over at mcdonalds.com?

Dollar Guy JeremyI got a pop up ad from McDonald’s today. Their semantic auto-targeting online advertising software must be pure genius, I will admit. But there was something even creepier than that in my ad, RON JEREMY.

Yep, The porn star seems to have moved on to more mainstream media. His likeness seems to have at least been an inspiration for the, for lack of a better word – inspiring – fast food loving character, who seems to revel in his abject poverty, and shabby attire. The Dollar Menu Guy is the human embodiment of tacky.

While there is something to be said for the advertising to your target market, embracing that your target market is mostly poor is probably not as good an idea. The tape on the furniture, the clothes drying on the radiator, and the lawn chair don’t look as much like fun to me, as they do symptoms of poverty.

Choosing a character whose likeness reminds one of long nights with porn starlets and cocaine, is likely as good as it gets when you are selling crappy $1 hamburgers at 2 a.m. from the drive through. So, thank you McDonald’s for keeping The Hedgehog working, if only in spirit. Time is definitely not on Ron’s side for much longer, and he could probably use the work. Don’t count him out yet though, but there are not too many 60 year old male porn stars working I suspect.

Finally, this is not the first corporate giant to borrow the high visibility actor’s image. Rumors of Nintendo’s copyright infringement against Jeremy swept the web just a few years ago…

Ron Jeremy Mario

When did the comics get all serious?

Penny Arcade 02-08-08

One of my favorite webcomics is Penny Arcade, written and illustrated by Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik. The content material focuses mainly on video games, the gaming industry, and the gamer sub-culture. However, over the past year or two some more serious topics have come up, as the characters have, gasp, grown up a bit…. Click the strip above for a larger, more legible version.

Funky Winkerbean Landmines

Some of my favorite “real” paper comics tackle serious issue too. Funky Winkerbean, a strip I have read for many years, recently “killed off” a character, and reset the entire clock on the comic. All of the characters have been fast-forwarded 15 years or so, and their lives moved further into adulthood accordingly. Throughout however, Batiuk has covered topics like teen pregnancy, adoption, and U.S. servicemen returning home from Afghanistan with devastating injuries.

Doonesbury - Uncle DukeDoonesbury is always high on my list, but we have always expected serious topics from Gary Trudeau. His own characters are now dealing with issues like the massive number of brain trauma injuries to soldiers serving in Iraq, the elections, and the current administration. Trudeau’s characters are iconic, maybe none more so than Uncle Duke, the character based in part on late “Gonzo” journalist Hunter S. Thompson.

Trudeau ’s cast has aged gracefully, at the same time introducing new cast members to introduce us all to the new issues of today. He even has a blog for U. S. Soldiers serving in the middle east called The Sandbox. Here’s a great Washington Post article on Trudeau. I am still mystified as to why his web site is still on Slate. It’s so…. 1999.

Jeremy - ZitsZits features Jeremy Duncan, a now 16 year old aspiring rock musician, and his parents, “who don’t understand anything. The fanciful ways that the strip bends and distorts reality reminds me very much of Calvin and Hobbes. The character often morphs into younger, older, zanier versions of himself, much like Calvin. I cannot express, now that I have my own near-teenage son, how much I can relate to Jeremy’s gigantic feet. Have you priced sneakers lately?

A newer comic with great characters, including an always smoking version of the creator, is Stephan Pastis’ Pearls before Swine. The characters are flawed, but lovable, and if you look closely you will see a lot of subtle gems hidden amongst the simpler humor. Here is today’s strip, for Valentines Day: Pearls - 02-14-08

Charlie Brown - Schultz I have a very soft spot in my heart for Calvin and Hobbes, likely the best strip ever, and I also love Peanuts, but I have left them off of my list for one simple reason – they are not being drawn today. While both are incredible works, but the one thing I like most about the comics is tomorrow’s strip, the promise of a continued relationship. What is goingt to happen to our friends? Will it be a light day, or a grave day? We know these characters, check up on them every day.

Like real life, the comics tug at our heart strings, and invite us along on great and wonderful adventures.

But do they always have to be so darn serious?